In the first two parts of this series, psychosynthesis supervision, we explored spaciousness and power as lived, embodied experiences within supervision. Spaciousness invited us to slow down and listen for what is trying to emerge, while power asked us to hold our influence consciously and ethically. This third reflection turns toward shame, a force that often shapes how as therapists we show up in our work, our supervision, and our sense of professional self.
Shame and early experiences of power
For many of us, shame has its roots in early experiences where power was absent, misused, or unpredictable. When a child’s needs, emotions, or expressions are met with dismissal, criticism, or withdrawal, something else can form outside of awareness; a sense of being wrong, too much, or not enough. Over time, this becomes less about what we do and more about who we believe we are.
These early shame experiences are often held somatically. They live in collapsed posture, shallow breath, averted gaze, or a tightening in the chest or gut.. Shame learns how to hide, brace, or disappear in the body in order for us to stay safe.
Becoming a therapist does not erase shame
Training as a counsellor or psychotherapist does not automatically resolve these early imprints. Just as supervision can amplify power dynamics – supervision and professional training can inadvertently intensify shame if it remains unexamined. Entering a profession that values insight, competence, and emotional attunement can deepen existing shame; hence the reason for the therapist’s own therapy.
Many therapists carry an unspoken fear of being exposed as inadequate, unskilled, or fundamentally flawed. This often shows up as perfectionism, harsh self criticism, or imposter syndrome. It also shows up on the therapist’s CV via an excessive number of hours of continued professional development!
Personal psychotherapy is not simply a requirement to be ticked off; it is an ethical and relational necessity. It is also where therapists learn to differentiate their own shame from shame that belongs to the client via the countertransference. Without this capacity, therapists may misattribute what is arising in the work, internalising client material as evidence of personal failure, or responding defensively rather than relationally. When shame remains unworked through, it quietly shapes interventions, boundaries, and the ability to stay present when things become difficult in the relationship.
Shame versus guilt
It is helpful to distinguish between guilt and shame. As Brené Brown reminds us,
“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging, and connection.”
Guilt relates to behaviour; it speaks to what I have done and often invites repair. Shame is about being. It tells us that who I am is the problem. Shame tends to arrive immediately, flooding the nervous system, trapping our will and narrowing our sense of possibility and creativity.
In practice and supervision, shame is often felt before it is named. There may be a sudden urge to withdraw, to explain away, to criticise oneself or others, or to become defensive. At times, this shame belongs not to the therapist but to the client, which makes discernment in supervision essential. These responses are not failures, rather, protective strategies that once helped us to survive.
Shame responses and defences
When shame is activated, therapists and supervisees may move in predictable directions; some pull back and become less visible, others avoid certain topics or clients altogether, some turn outward with blame or frustration, while others turn inward with self-attack. Recognising these patterns with curiosity rather than judgement is a crucial step in embodied supervision.
Bringing shame into supervision
Supervision offers a relational space where shame can be gently brought out of hiding from the hesitations, omissions, changes in tone or shifts in the body. The spaciousness cultivated in supervision becomes especially important here, allowing shame to be met rather than hurried away. This requires a supervisor – supervisee (or therapist client) relationship grounded in warmth, trust, and non-judgement.
An embodied supervisor pays attention not only to the supervisee’s words but also to posture, breath, tone, and eye contact. Just as importantly, the supervisor notices their own internal responses. These countertransference signals often point to shame dynamics that are alive in the supervisory / therapeutic field.
It is also essential to hold the broader context; experiences of shame are shaped by culture, systems, and social location. Race, gender, class, stigma, and professional hierarchies all contribute to environments where shame can flourish. Early attachment wounds often echo within these systems, especially when visibility and evaluation are required.
Mistakes, repair, and self-compassion
Shame frequently arises when therapists make mistakes with clients, as all therapists inevitably do. In these moments, power and shame often intersect, particularly when the supervisor is experienced as an authority figure. Without self-compassion, these moments can become paralysing. With support, they can become places of learning, humility, and growth.
In supervision, being with shame means slowing down rather than rushing to fix. It involves meeting the supervisee with empathy, normalising their experiences, and supporting the capacity to stay present with discomfort. An inner, non-judgemental presence can be cultivated over time, offering an alternative to the inner critic or perfectionist parts that often dominate.
Encouraging what might be called the authentic, imperfect self allows therapists to bring their real work into the room. This is very different from presenting a polished, competent version of practise that leaves shame untouched and isolated.
Toward shame resilience
Working with shame is ultimately about restoring connection. Where spaciousness allows us to stay, and conscious use of power allows us to guide without domination, shame work invites us back into relationship.
Shame thrives in silence and exile, and it softens when it is met in empathic, attuned relationship. Over time, therapists can develop greater shame sensitivity, recognising early embodied signs and responding with care rather than collapse or attack. This is then passed down to their work with clients.
Shame resilience grows through self-acceptance, self-compassion, and the capacity to speak about what was once unspeakable. It involves strengthening a sense of self that can hold vulnerability alongside competence.
In this way, supervision becomes not only a place of professional oversight, but a relational practise that supports deeper integrity, presence, and creativity in therapeutic work.
References
Working with Shame in an Embodied Coaching Context by Debbie Friedman
